SEEING THE LIGHT AT THE END OF A DARK TUNNEL
I finally received the new healthcards from our Office’ personnel section the other day. All
two of them, one for me being the principal holder and one for Hubby, which I decided to enroll as my dependent the last minute before the deadline of submission. If only I can enroll Nico as a dependent too, but because of the congenital heart disease that he had at birth , he’s not yet qualified for a healthcard even if the hole had closed by itself, until the Medical Investigation Bureau cleared him after five years. And since Nico’s four years old now, I have to wait another year more for him to finally qualify.
This is the first time ever in my entire working life I’ve had a dependent for a healthcard. And unexpectedly, it was Hubby. Hubby used to be enrolled separately through the company he worked for. But since he just availed of an early retirement December last year, perks and benefits he had, including the healthcard, only lasted that month.
It’s been four months since his early retirement, I know. But never it dawned to me so concretely that we are now a single income earning family, with me as the “officially” declared head of the family. Not until I received the healthcards just last Friday. It got me in leaps of paranoia and I can’t help but feel too worried how our finances would go now that Hubby had retired.
Though he’s still connected with the company, but it’s only on a consultancy basis, meaning there would be no more constant stream of income earnings for the family on his part. It was a courageous career move on his part because he wanted to be full time in the little growing business that we have especially now that we’ve taken a step higher by venturing into newspaper dealership in a certain area in north of Metro Manila, aside from the delivery services that we have.
I remember a post by Teacher Julie before, it’s a photo of tunnel which depicted how life was so unpredictable.
Have you ever felt that you are about to enter a tunnel, a blind spot in your life that you do not know what you will be expecting to happen at the end? We all do, at certain points in our lives. We are stumped. Decisions are left hanging in the air. We feel we are looking at uncertainty staring back at us. We feel fear or anticipation. We feel desperation or excitement. What do we do then?
It stuck in me since at that time too, I was on the verge of deciding to finally be a stay-at-home Mom, only to take it back later when sooner I realized I’m more happy in choosing to be a working Mom still after all the disadvantages it had caused me. I often ponder and ask myself the regular “what if’s”. “What if I decided to be the dream SAHM that I longed to be after all these years?” Now, I need not ask Him why. God was really good because now I realized He purposely led everything to happen that way because He knew we are going to be in this current state right now—me and my work being the regular stream of finances, and Hubby taking the responsibility of growing the little business and if God willing, make it the constant source of our finances in the long run.
I just knew Hubby and I are in the same spot right now—traveling a dark tunnel, keeping our heads straight, and hopefully, conquer those bumps along the road of our journey, and pass the end of the tunnel triumphantly.
The courage and dedication that Hubby had to make us feel secure more than ever, I’m in no position to complain at all because God knows how hardworking and responsible he is to raise our family. The very same day that we got married, and handed me those coins as a symbol of his commitment to provide for our family, I’m truly thankful to God the most, because up to this very day, Hubby has done his part with all his heart. He was a very good provider which up to this day holds true. And I am not ashamed to say I’ll be “on paper” the one to assume as the head of the family. Not at all, and I don’t mind. We’re a team after all and isn’t it that we’re suppose to be holding on through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad times? (haha, mushy mushy here!) 
And besides, I ought to think that this is just a phase. As Hubby had put it, “chicken na lang ito sa amin” recalling a time in our lives (we don’t have a Nico yet back then) when we were experiencing a “financial crunch” when we were still having our home built. Loaned for 25 years and all, the money that we availed wasn’t even enough to finish the construction of the home, that even our savings, our credit cards, and up to the last cent in our wallets were poured over that home. No exaggerations, but there was this time I remember clearly that we only had a hundred pesos to divide between the two of us, only to go to work and wait for the sahod in a few hours just to make ends meet. That was the worst that we got broke, and thankful we’ve been through that because at the end we appreciate every littlest bit of the blessings we receive from Him.
Right now, he’s sacrificing his time to be away from us during the holiest hours at night till dawn, or sometimes, when newspapers come in a bit late from the printing press, he’ll come home even early in the morning, all tired and exhausted. While everybody else is in dreamland and sleeping, Hubby together with his staff, are all wide awake, only to have those newspapers available right in the doorsteps of subscribers.
I don’t know long it’s going to be that way, and often times I can’t help but feel and wished that Hubby had never choose the road inconvenient. But then, the Lord speaks to me, I shouldn’t worry at all. He is merciful and I know in my heart that He will always provide. I have faith that all the hardwork and sacrifices that we are in right now, it will soon bear fruit in the long run. I choose to believe that in God’s time, we’ll be seeing the light at the end of a dark tunnel.
Have a blessed and productive week ahead y’all.
19 responses so far
nalungkot ako for myself, ndi na tayo sabay 
when...
I remember a year my husband had no work/stable income for a year though he had some freelance legal work. I had a little business. Looking back now, I don’t know how we survived but we did.
True, the brighter light is at the end of the tunnel but…inside that tunnel, a tiny light peeks in and out as you walk through…catch the light.
I have been there in the worst circumstances and am now out of the tunnel ..a new person. a new life
You can do it.
noemis last blog post..QTV Proudly Filipina and Charlene Gonzales
thanks for that Noemi! a pat on the back, that’s all I need right now.
your story reassures me more that we will survive too. and moreso now I understand why you and Butch’s marriage remained strong, despite all hurdles you’ve been.
I will surely look for those like sparks of light in the dark tunnel and make sure Hubby and me grabs them.
feng, you are so right in saying that there is light at the end of a dark tunnel. just hold on to God who always comes through for all of us. and like I always say, He is good…all the time. from what you wrote, i can so feel the love between you and your hubby. marriage is team work talaga. i wish you both good luck in your business. may it grow and grow and grow some more! God bless! mmwah!
Wengs last blog post..LP #5: Malungkot
thanks Weng.
with your words of comfort, it seemed I felt a good friend just gave me a big hug.
I so agree. yes, God is really good…all the time. He never fails to remind all of that through our daily grinds in life.
thanks for the well wishes. we can only hope for the best.
Oh, Feng, you made me cry, and I just woke up (now lang yata ako nagising ng ganito ka-late, hehe).
I can definitely feel your predicament for I have been the main provider for the family (3 pa kids namin ha) for almost two years now since hubby resigned from his stressful work. It was a decision both of us had to make, he was getting payat at that time due to stress. Now he does consultancy too, though still stressful since he has three “bosses” to work for, at least, he is not that stressed out like before. So now, I plan to reduce my working days from 3 days to 2 days and just concentrate on my homeschooling kids.
The two kids (Trixie and Julian) were sort of against me doing these, for they know our financial situation. But I felt I am spending too much time away from home, especially from Trixie who goes home to an empty house and cooks food for herself for her early dinner three times a week on a school week.
A tunnel too, if I may say.
May we be strong enough to face the daily hurdles. Sorry ha, parang post na din ang comment ko
julies last blog post..Time
hi T.Julie. grabe ka ha, di ko kinaya ang past 10AM na gising mo. haha! but then again, a hardworking homemaker like you deserves the much needed zzzzzz’s.
your journey through that dark tunnel must have been really really tough. ganyan lang siguro, we have to remain courageous and strong as we go through that tunnel. I will continue to cheer on you, T.Julie, if only to return back the favor and the way you cheer on me.
you and the rest of our Mommy friends remain to be my inspiration. 
I admire your honesty and courage. I’ve always believed that as long as you and your husband agree in heart and in mind, any situation can turn out for the better. Sometimes it may seem that that tunnel is never-ending. But rest assured, with the right attitude and with lots of dedication, the light at the end is reachable.
Konkong622s last blog post..Happy 41st, My Sweet Prince
thanks Cookie! I agree with everything you’ve said. marriage is a partnership and both have to have oneness to face a situation, no matter how little or big it is. I’ve always believe we’re stronger than ever because we go through the challenges together.
I know you and Jun can manage… kita mo nga nalampasan ninyo yung time na nagpapagawa pa kayo ng house na talagang simot lahat..atleast now you still have a job and at the same time may business kayo na lumalago
Be strong Feng! Huwag magalala, things will get better pa 
Thets last blog post..On going back home…
hi Thet! salamat sa words of reassurance mo. nakakataba ng puso.
God is really good talaga diba? and He has his purpose talaga why everything has to happen in a certain way. the work I was able to hold on to, and the little growing business–it was God’s way of reassuring us that everything will be alright.
i can feel you feng and we’re on the same boat. and yeah you’re right, this is just a phase and this too shall pass. at the end of the tunnel, we could just look back and feel a sense of relief for having passed that dark and uncertain phase.
mhalous last blog post..Disturbing…Sick…Evil
hi Mhalou. my tight hugs to you. you know, sometimes I can’t help but feel too worried. but I know it will do nothing but create negativity. I wish you and Hubby a bountiful of blessings from Above. always remain strong.
That post of Julie hit a nerve and it was a relief to read that other people are going through the same thing that I am. Of course we always think that we have big problems until we read about other people’s lives. And then we realize how fortunate we still are for being what we are and leading the life we are leading.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that this too shall pass. God bless and know that you are not alone.
GreyMoms last blog post..James McAvoy marathon
hi Greymom! that post of T.Julie really stuck in me, and I was thankful. each of of us has our dark tunnels to travel, I agree. and what’s so inspiring to know was that each of one us passes through that tunnel bravely, no matter how dark it is.
God bless you as well and thank you for the well wishes.
Oh no! I don’t know if my comment came thru.
GreyMoms last blog post..James McAvoy marathon
it made it to the post. moderated po kasi, kaya when you click the refresh button, parang wala ang comment.
i think we are passing thru small and big tunnels almost everyday — but others dont realize that because we believe in ourselves and we have faith in the Lord. like me, i would rather think positive and with that, pray the rosary everday
God bless
raqgolds last blog post..Belt and Necklace in One
hi Raq.
I so agree with everything you’ve said. small or big tunnels, we have them in our everyday lives. but the most important thing though is we pass these tunnels bravely with God’s grace, regardless of the bumps along the way. thanks for the cheer up Raq. 
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