WHEN YOU REFUSE TO EAT AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG
My Dearest Nico,
As I write this, how I wish you were already an adult so I could tell you this personally. But then, you are just a plain three-year old child turning four in three-months time so I really wouldn’t know if you’d understand.
Anyway, Mommy is really sad as to how you are behaving lately. You’ve been very cranky, you’ve been overly moody, you’ve been whining up really bad as if it seems there’s no one else that can comfort you, not even Mommy.
When it’s time to eat and we ask you politely to join us in the table, you’d act up and come up with so many excuses just as to skip major meals. But then you know that we’re persistent that we’ll go convince you till you give in and sit with us. And when you resist to eat by yourself and Mommy or Daddy had no other choice but to feed you, you’d act up as if you’re choked, or you’re coughing and would eventually throw up if we insist to put the food in your mouth. But then again, you know that we’re persistent and we’ll never get tired till you finish your plate. And after the meal and we ask you to drink lots of water, you’d go over you acts again (and we’ll go over our persistent convincing acts again) till you drink some, while in between, some water spilled down the floor, and till both of our energies are exhausted.
Gosh, son, you know why you need to eat full meals, right? You know you needed to eat so you have the energy to play, you don’t get sick and most importantly, you become smarter. If then, why does a simple and regular eating time that won’t even take 30 long minutes be such a big ordeal now? Is there something wrong with the food we prepared? I thought you’ve always loved everything that we prepare for you? Or what is that your sense of taste is just changing? But if it is, then why don’t you tell us what you prefer, so Mommy can prepare that for you?
I just don’t get it and even if I ask you, most of the time, you’ll just cry till I end up getting not even one clue. You know, it frustrates me. Sometimes, I just wanted to yell at you and spank you till you tell me what seems to be wrong. But then I know, you’re just a kid and yelling and spanking you is the most cruel and worst that I, or even your Dad, will do. The last time I did that to you, ever I felt so guilty and promised myself I would never ever do it again. Yes, I know, that incident indeed instilled fear of you in me and somehow, it gave the kind of respect that I want you to have in me. But you know, later on, I realized that it was not the respect that we wished to earn from you, but rather, the respect that you look up to us because you see us as role models and that we are your parents.
You know son, I really missed the younger and innocent you, a lot. The younger you whose always been very independent in feeding himself when we’re eating. The innocent you whose never been a picky eater, loving and wanting all the food that we prepare. Remember how delighted we were witnessing how you independently eat galungong with the only fish bone left in your plate? And the way you joyfully eat ampalaya, oh how we found you so amazing eating it as if it was like eating French fries. I don’t know what happened to your good appetite and I terribly missed that and how I wish that same enthusiastic eating habit remained to this day.
Last night, your Dad and I talked about how we can better discipline you to eat without really pushing you too hard. “There were rarely instances that I had a hard time feeding Nico back when he was smaller. And now that he’s already a three year old going four (and can understand things better at that), this is what Nico’s into?” this was what I told your Dad. But then he said (and we hope) that this is just a phase that you will soon outgrow. Because again, as I’ve told your Dad, if we’ve gotten over your “Terrible Two” and “More Terrible Three” stages, we can deal too and hopefully successfully conquer as you approach the “Fantastic Four” stage.
In the meantime that you’re at this not-so-pleasant and ever-resisting stage, I’ll just contend myself from veering away from the still-terrible side of you by dealing with you with all coolness and calmness. And you know, so far, I’m just glad to say that I’ve been dealing with this one tough parenting challenge pretty much fine.
I don’t know how you’ll react soon as you’ll know about this, but I just took lots of photos of you, exactly at the height of your tantrums when you’re resisting to eat your breakfast (for the nth time) this morning. Whew, that’s relieving and therapeutic and that’s better than getting angry and trying to hold up my temper.
See attached. 
Much Love,
Mommy
***
O ayan anak, kasi kanina nag ta tantrums ka na naman, eh kesa ma-depress na naman ako, umagang-umaga at Lunes na Lunes at timing na timing pa ang tantrums mo kasi late ka na sa klase mo at tamang hindi ka pa naliligo, ang dungis-dungis mo pa dyan, nag “may I take your photos” na lang ang drama ng Mommy mo para ma-kalma ako .
Drama ng anak ko, ayaw kumain,
kunwari gustong magbasa ng mga flashcards.
At may pa-awa effect pa.
At sobrang natawa ako sa yo dito.
Medyo tumahan ka na dyan, at nang pina-pose kita sa camera,
tamang parang bading naman ang hitsura mo dito! 
15 responses so far
Congrats, congrats… I am so happy for you. Hang in there. I’m sure you’ll...
i’m doing this bec
a. so you can feed your blog.
b. wala lang mommy. trip ko lang makitang naloloka ka sa akin.
c. kasi big boy na ako heller. magfo-four na nga ako so ako na ang masusunod ngayon. so kung gusto ko magflash cards, magf-flash cards ako, ok!
d. all of the above.
love,
hindi ako si nico. pero ganyan din po kami sa mommy ko -mga anak ni lady cess
naku, Ipan Jr and Sandra, ganyan din pala kayo? aba eh, bilib ako sa haba ng pasensya ng Mommy nyo!
hay Cess, hirap maging Nanay, pramis! parang hindi na kaya ng powers ko.
Isama niyo na ako sa club. Hay buhay nga naman ng nanay
Dear Adi,
Wag mong paandarin ang pagka-pebrero mo tuwing Lunes. Sigurado kasi si Mama na pag inumpisahan mo ng Lunes buong linggo mo akong pagdurusahin. At sana naman wag kang masyadong pikon kasi malapit na din si Mama umabot sa kapikunan. At sa susunod, wag mong gawing punching bag is Ate Gaby, kawawa naman.
Love,
Mama Cookie
Feng, you got me there at the end of your post as I was already thinking of ways to say something and tell my experiences. Tapos yung mga pics, tee hee! Aliw!
“Julian, kapag hindi ka kumain I will not call you to eat with us ever again.” Hmph! I did this one time and what we did next, siya ang tagasabi ng prayers before we eat and we say we won’t eat if he won’t sit with us. It worked, maybe because he is older.
One tip: try to ask Nico to get his own helping, kahit konti lang, if he feels hungry still, get some more. That way, he is not :pressured” to eat everything.
Sometimes they feel eating everything on their plate is a little too much for them. Exactly what hubby’s bro and his wife did with their sons (me dala pang pamalo at me kasamang kurot) and mealtimes became and still are battlegrounds at their home. Those are not exactly childhood experiences worth remembering.
Cookie, hahaha, welcome to the Club ng mga nanay na laging na te test ang patience. whew!
I assume Adi’s in her most terrible year too, kaya ganyan sya. I do hope her Ate Gab understands coz she’s older.
Ay naku, habaan mo pa ang pasensya mo and always keep your cool kasi whether we like it or not, we have to deal with so many parenting challenges. (yay, i should be telling this to myself too)
Teacher Julie, taking photos of my little boy esp. at his worst was surely a stress reliever.
bait naman ni Julian, napaka masunurin. how I wish we can also tell that to Nico, pero tama ka, I think he’s too young to understand. maybe when he’s older, pwede na.
actually, Nico has a very good appetite before. he eats by himself and ask for some more food esp. when we prepare his favorites. nga lang, nakakataka lang kasi wala talaga syang interest kumain these days. di ko alam kung bakit.
re: mealtime as battlegrounds, actually yun nga ang sana wag naman mangyari sa amin. I’ve had this worst worst spanking and yelling incident with Nico and grabe, ayoko na maulit yon. sobrang nakaka guilty. and so I promised myself I’ll try to keep my cool and bear with his unruly behavior, thus, the products are photos like above.
Hi Feng! kakafrustrate nga yan.
I’ve read a very good experience on how other parents have dealt with that and I’m going to post it on mommastuff blog later. I’ll inform you when it’s there already.
N!cE
http://www.nicemorning.net
http://www.mommastuff.com
hay, Nice, talagang nakaka sad whenever Nico does that.
I’ll wait for that post in Mommastuff, Nice. thanks.
this is funny feng!
hay naku, tama yan, kesa magpaka-stress ka dahil nag-a-amok ang anak, eh may i take your picture na lang. hahaha! teka, magawa nga yan sa anak ko…
(katuwa yung comment ni ladycess
)
Kel, correct! practice the photo shooting with Manu, guaranteed, stress reliever talaga!
[…] friend recently posted in her blog that she has difficult time with her son during mealtimes. I promised […]
Hi Feng! As promised, here it is na > http://www.mommastuff.com/?p=55
N!cE
http://www.nicemorning.net
http://www.mommastuff.com
thanks Nice, I’ll go check it out!
Hi Feng. I see many moms can relate to your story and I’m one of them. Yohan is such a picky eater although when he was a little younger, he had a big appetite and enjoyed eating vegetables. Now, he is picky with his food and don’t want to try new food/dishes. It’s hard to think of new dishes to serve and also new “baon” ideas for school. He doesn’t like to drink milk anymore. I even bought him Pediasure thinking it might help but he didn’t like it.
Yohan also makes a lot of excuses when it’s meal time. He often insists his tummy is full but I know too well he hasn’t eaten enough. It can be quite frustrating at times.
Rach, gosh these preschoolers! they have so many excuses na talaga! and you’re absolutely right, it’s really frustrating knowing it took us so much effort to come up with a healthy meal then, di naman nila kakainin or konti lang kakainin.