THE ACHES AND PAINS OF LIVING ALONE
To live independently and quite far away from our respective families was the set-up that Hubby and I envisioned the moment we got married. Not that we have issues on living with parents. It’s just that we believe being separated from them is the best way to start a new life as husband and wife so we can learn and prove our selves that we can stand on our feet and raise our own family. Thankfully, it was a plan that materialized on the very day we got married. We rented an apartment for a while then we had our very own home built after two years. And though the pains of living alone were often there, it won’t equate enough to the feeling of fulfillment it brought us because it was a dream come true. Privacy and freedom were two things that made living alone justifiable.
But like all good things, there are times too I just wished it was the other way around. These are those times when loneliness of living alone kicks in, when depression strikes, or simply when boredom makes me go wacky over no one to speak with. It feels like I just wanted to have my original family to turn to, a Dad to consult with, a Mom to comfort me, or simply have my brothers and sister to hang out with.
A couple of weeks ago, Mom and I were talking on the phone about some depressing issues with my in-laws (who are so miles apart from us, yet giving me and Hubby lots of headaches) that I wished would die a natural death. “Hay naku Mommy, kung pwede lang, sana magkadikit na lang ang bahay namin sa inyo, para may nahihingahan ako ng sama ng loob ng personal. Ang kaso hindi,” I told Mom. “Habaan mo lang ang pasensya mo. Pasasaan ba’t, maayos din yan,” Mom reassured me, but then with a cliché of an offer: “Aba eh, kung gusto mo, dito na lang kayo tumira”. Ngek!
Of course, the offer was not that serious (or was it? because she’s been telling me that for the longest time, as in since I got married). Though sometimes, you know, I’m so tempted to give in and be shielded away from bickerings and negativity brought by outside force. But Hubby and I knew we have to face those depressing issues bravely and resolve them on our own means being mature individuals.
If there’s any consolation that I am thankful of now, it’s for having my original family just beside me as my own little family goes through a tough and trying time. The last two consecutive weeks that Mom (with my brother and his wife and my sister with my niece) visited us, we went for some family bonding by strolling and hanging in parks at The Fort and eating out at our favorite restaurants. It was quite short of time though, but those family time outs I treasure the most. They de-cluttered me, they relieved me.
Okay, enough of my sentiments. Ending this post with photos to treasure. (Too bad, we only had the obsolete point and shoot cam with us during the stroll)
Passing through Serendra
At Bonifacio High Street
Bumming around the park
Brother enjoying the WiFi facility within the park
16 responses so far
nalungkot ako for myself, ndi na tayo sabay 
when...
I hear ya sis! Eh paano na lang ako? Waaaaaaaaaaah!
thanks Mitch! ganyan din ang drama nung youngest brother kong nasa US. buti nga daw ako, at least, I can see my Mom as often as I like. eh sya, miles and miles apart from us.
sarap pumasyal sa high street noh? i love the open space! teka, maiba tayo, pinalitan mo na cp mo? LOL!
Hi Feng. Nice to see photos of you and your family together.
Privacy especially freedom are also very important to me that’s why my hubby and I preferred to live in our own house when we got married. Like you, there are times, I feel lonely and think of my family. I wish they live near and not oceans apart from me. I miss them very much.
I still think that living away from your parents is the best way to start a family. Although it helps if your parents home is a stone’s throw away para kung may kailangan ka (like naubusan ka ng asukal o kaya itlog) pwede kang tumakbo sa kanila. I’m fortunate that my husband really took this into consideration. He knew how tight we were so he decided to purchase a property 15 minutes away from my folks. Ngayon parang nakatira pa din ako duon. We’re there everyday!! And it’s nice because the kids have real solid ties with their lola (and lolo before he died).
I really hope that whatever you are going through will eventually resolve itself. In any case, andito naman kaming mga kaibigan mo kung kailangan mo kami. Just holler
Hi Feng,
This is what the bible states :
(Matthew 19:5-6) . . .and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh’? 6 So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has yoked together let no man put apart.”
I think this is really practial and avoids a lot of problems.
Anyway, love your pics. Astig at wifi pala dun ha….makapunta nga. Thanks for sharing.
N!cE
http://www.nicemorning.net
hi Kelly!
ay naku, the best ang Bonifacio High Street at Serendra! re: new cellphone — ummmm, kala ko gift mo sa kin yun. joke! 
agree with you Rach! can’t help but miss my original family too. but then, living independently from them is the setup we chose, and that we have to accept and get by with.
hi Nice! that was an enlightening passage from the Bible. thanks for the reminder. now I have the bestest reason to stand by our decision to live independently from parents.
re: The WIFI at The Fort, oo sarap dun. very pleasant ang ambiance, you need not go out to far to unwind, at libre internet, hehe.
Hi Cookie. a little too near with parents or in-laws wont hurt. kung pwede nga lang ba eh bakit hindi. ang problema lang, our families are in the province (mine in Rizal, Hubby’s in Laguna) and our workplaces are both in Makati so hindi swak ang set up like yours. kaiingit ka Cookie, at least, may mahihingan ka ng sibuyas pag accidentally naubusan ka. at kung may date kayo ni Hubby, pwedeng pwede mong iwan si Gab and Adi sa kanila with their Yayas.
thanks for the pat on the shoulder. that gesture of yours lightened my load, promise! hayaan mo at one of these days, chicka galore tayo.
There are negative and positive sides to both situations. We used to live in my in-laws compound until their first house 10 minutes away was vacated. We decided to live there since no one wanted to. Now, even if it is a little more expensive because we travel to and fro MIL’s house where I have a little room where I teach, at least we have our own place, some distance away from the discerning eyes of those who are always “in the know”. Teehee.
Nice post Feng. And you know, even if my parents are almost 200kms away from me, we always send each other sms daily. I even bug her with some trivial matters
hi Julie. I so can relate with the “discerning eyes” of ILs, except my loving FIL whose so supportive of us. kung siguro, kapitbahay lang namin ang mga ILs ko, mas grabe pa headaches ko ngayon.
you must have been that very close to your parents, indicated by the constant exchange of SMS. re: trivial matters, ahay, pareho tayo, nakukulitan na nga Mom ko sa akin eh.
echo*echo*echo hehehe You’re echoing most married women’s sentiments
It is better to live apart from both families, privacy & freedom from influences are important.
Like you minsan I wish Nanay would stay here with me forever. haha
Auee, any wife would prefer to have the most of her family’s privacy and freedom, right?
yun nga lang, minsan nakaka lungkot din.
my mom and i talk often on the phone. if i want to feel being treated like a baby
we visit them. pero, yup, i agree, living independently has enormous benefits, and at least for me, they outweigh the disadvantages 
at totoo ka dyan Mommy Cess, pareho tayo. pag kausap ko Mom ko sa phone, sobrang nagpapa baby pa ko.