MY RESISTANT LITTLE SLEEPER AT BEDTIME
First, there was our endless dealing with his pointless tantrums. Then, we were headed to an overly drastic battle over weaning him from the bottle. And now get this, the latest of our manipulative preschooler’s trick: he is totally resisting going to sleep at his usual sleeping time at night!
What more manipulation could a Terrible Three act just to test our patience and eventually get what he wanted?
Huhuhu. I can’t help but wished Nico never grew and remained to be a baby because when he was yet a preschooler, putting him to sleep was never a problem. In his infancy, specifically the first three months, he hardly kept us awake in the holiest hours of the night as he is often back at sleeping after milk snacking at midnight. As he turned four months or so, Nico’s sleeping pattern was already established, allowing us to do other baby chores at predictable schedules. He sleeps around 7 to 10 in the morning, then another two hours or more in the afternoon (around 1PM to 3PM), and finally a long-sleeping through the night from 6PM till 5AM the following day. Though time may vary in between, almost the same sleeping pattern went on till Nico turned 2, when he finally gave up napping in the morning in exchange for longer napping hours in the afternoon (1PM till 4PM or 5PM even).
Still, we were happy because his nighttime sleep was never a problem. Though Nico would still be up at 8-8:30PM watching his favorite “Kapamilya shows”, putting him to sleep was never a problem because he’ll sleep all by himself after doing all our evening rituals. And though potty training at nighttime most often got in the way (with me automatically bringing undiapered Nico in the middle of the night to pee in the bathroom), getting him back to sleep was fairly not a problem too as he sleeps back on his own. Not until the past two weeks…
This has been our long-standing scenario during bedtimes: After I wash and dress him up for bedtime, we finally head over to the family bed at 8:30PM. I read him a bedtime story or sing him a lullaby, we pray together, I hug and kiss him, tuck him in bed, and wished him “sleep tight and sweet dreams”. For him to sleep, I’d pretend to already be sleeping too with me lying sideways on his back and with my eyes closed. Normally, Nico would doze off after 30 minutes or so and then I’ll get up in bed to finally do some chores that await me in the kitchen or unwind a little in front of the TV before retiring at night. But for the past two weeks, and for reasons I don’t know, I spend most of the evenings cajoling my resistant little sleeper for the next one or two hours before he finally keeps his head on the pillow. And the hard part of it is, I found myself sleeping ahead of him, then waking up in the middle of the night and seeing him up still. Huhuhu.
And because he sleeps so late in the night and yet wakes up so early in the morning (around 5:30 AM), I’m worried too that Nico might not be getting enough sleep as this Simple Guide to How Much Sleep Kids Need indicates below:
| Age | Nighttime sleep | Daytime sleep | Average total sleep |
| 2 years | 10.5 to 12.5 hours | 1 to 3 hours (1 nap) | 11.5 to 15.5 hours |
| 4 years | 10 to 12 hours | 0 to 2.5 hours (1 or no nap) | 10 to 13 hours |
| 6 years | 10 to 11.5 hours | none | 10 to 11.5 hours |
| 8 years | 9.5 to 11.5 hours | none | 9.5 to 11.5 hours |
| * Note: The two sets of numbers don’t always add up because children who take longer naps tend to sleep fewer hours at night, and vice versa. | |||
Hay, what is a Mom to do? It’s not that I am complaining because definitely, bedtime is one bonding moment that I enjoy sharing with my son before we can finally call it a day. But for heaven’s sake, I am a working Mom and it’s been a long day. I still have kitchen chores to do like preparing his food for the next day and most of the time, I even haven’t had a spare moment to fix myself up. Nico’s Dada would often offer that he’ll be the one putting his son to sleep but after trying it for some days, it simply didn’t work. Nico still insist me to be the one to sleep with him.
Photos of Nico still on a non-shut eye mode and doing all sorts of kakulitan at around 10 o’clock in the evening or so 
Good thing we’re not alone. The ever-consoling Baby/Parent’s Center exactly knows how to comfort and give us hope. Here’s what it says about a resistant sleeper at bedtime:
Take heart: Bedtime can be rough for a preschooler. On the one hand, he/she’s learning to assert him/herself and his/her newfound independence (hence the jack-in-the-box action on his/her bed). On the other hand, he/she’s fearful of what it means to be on his/her own. “Fighting sleep is a way to take control, but it’s also a way to stave off fears that come with the night,” says Jodi A. Mindell, associate professor of psychology at St. Joseph’s University in Philadelphia and the author of Sleeping Through the Night. Monsters under the bed, boogiemen in the closet, thunderstorms, bugs — those are pretty scary things to deal with when you’re all alone in the dark!
Here’s some of Baby/Parent Center’s recommendations on what parents can do about bedtime battles:
Set aside some time to talk to your child about her day. Your preschooler may be fighting sleep simply because she needs time to check in with you at the end of her day. Especially if you work long hours yourself, allot some time before bed to chat with her about goings-on at preschool and to get the scoop on the latest dramas in her social life. You may find that she’s more amenable to sleep if she’s had a chance to unburden herself.
Stick to a bedtime routine. Make a pictorial chart for your preschooler to follow — including her bath, teeth brushing, bedtime story, and goodnight kiss. Also include her usual (and reasonable) requests — like that second sip of water or a peek at the moon. Give her some notice before it’s time to start the routine each night (”Sophie, five minutes before bath time!”). Try not to let her dawdle, or drag things out with activities that aren’t part of the ritual — no third glass of water or round of “Baby Beluga,” for instance.
Motivate her. When your preschooler goes to bed on time, the rewards for you are obvious. Make it clear what’s in it for her too. The morning after she sticks with the routine, praise her and give her a sticker to put on a special chart. Offer her a reward— like a new book or a visit to her favorite playground — once she stays in bed three nights in a row. (Start small — for a preschooler, a few days is a long time to hang in there!)
Offer choices. Refusing to go to bed is a powerful way for your child to assert herself. So it might help to find an acceptable means of allowing her to be assertive. Let her decide whether she wants to hear Silverstein poems or a Ranger Rick story before lights-out, for instance, or ask her if she’d like a sip of water before or after she climbs into bed. Be careful to offer only choices you can live with; if you ask “Want to go to bed now?” you probably won’t like the answer you get.
Be calm but firm. Even if your preschooler cries or pleads for an exception to the going-to-bed rule, stand your ground. If you’re frustrated, don’t engage in a power struggle. Speak calmly and quietly but insist that when time’s up, time’s up. If you give in to her request for “five more minutes, please,” you’ll only hear it again tomorrow night.
Teach your preschooler to fall asleep alone. If your child depends on you to stay with her while she falls asleep, now’s a good time to encourage her to doze off on her own. You might give her some incentive by promising to check on her in five minutes. Reassure her that she’s safe and that you’re nearby.Take the stepladder to success. You can’t expect your child to learn, in one fell swoop, how to go to bed and sleep all night according to your perfect scenario. Take it one step at a time: If your preschooler’s used to falling asleep in your bed, maybe her first step is to fall asleep in her own. Her second step could be learning to limit her nocturnal “escapes” to one per night, or calling for you only once without actually getting up. Build your way to the ultimate goal (sleeping through the night without a peep) in successive, successful steps.
Problem solve. Figure out why your preschooler finds it tough to keep her head on the pillow at night. Ask about her specific objections to bedtime — is it because she’s not tired? Scared? It’s too quiet? Offer her a flashlight if she’s afraid of the dark.
Eliminate nighttime TV if the shows make her jumpy. Let her drift off to recorded lullabies if the quiet is too much. And be sure to listen to her ideas about what might be helpful. After all, a plan that she helps devise has a better chance of succeeding.
Make sure your preschooler’s getting lots of fresh air and exercise during the day too. If she still has a very early bedtime, it might be contributing to her lack of sleepiness at night (at this age, kids need a total of 10 to 12 hours of sleep), so you might consider moving bedtime back an hour. Some physical activity and a slight schedule change may be all it takes to ensure that your child is good and tired when bedtime rolls around.
And so with that said, I say: good luck to our current parenting challenge! I’m praying (for the nth time), may we succeed.
21 responses so far
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naku naman mommy Feng, napa-cute naman ni Nico mo! sobra! if only you can just play with him all night, right?
in any case… has Nico’s daytime schedule changed lately? maybe he’s taking naps much later in the afternoon so he’s not really sleepy yet when it’s bedtime. tell his yaya that she should not allow Nico to nap past 4pm. kailangan talagang gisingin.
if he hasn’t napped at all by 4pm, do not let him nap anymore. keep him busy and let him stay awake until it’s closer to bedtime. then just make him sleep an hour earlier at night since he’ll be so tired.
i really think he’s been being allowed to nap later in the day kaya ayaw matulog ni Nico. it’s not his fault na hindi pa sya inaantok. you can tell his yaya that she’d be the one to stay up with Nico if she lets him sleep later in the afternoon
hi mommy purple. thanks for visiting here again and again.
yun nga eh, masyado ng late gumising si Nico sa PM nap nya. he’s napping from 1-4:30PM, and 5PM even. i was telling the Yaya to already wake up Nico at 4PM the latest so that we wont have a hard time putting him in bed at night, pero sobrang ayaw daw talagang gumising.
the only solution namin to put him in bed at no hassle was exactly the one you suggested: to play with him tiring activities that’ll make him sweat more, and tire him more para knock down pagtulog. it worked for a while, pero ngayong week na ito, back to resisting sleeping again. hay.
madalas nga, nauuna pa ako matulog sa kanya eh.
the one time that sleeping at night is never a problem was during weekends, when we’re out for some family bonding and hindi sya natulog the whole day, definitely, tulog na sya by 7PM at naghihilik pa. LOL.
hay…
Pareho tayo ng dilemma… gusto ko sana wag muna sya matulog kasi that’s the only time that we have sa gabi, bonding… kaso di naman ako makagawa sa bahay, couldn’t even have my dinner.
Her nap time is usually from 1-5pm, pero kasi yung husband ko he has to go back on duty at 7 kaya kelangan matulog till at least 6pm.
Kaya pag nagising sya ng 6pm, waaaaaaaaaaah matutulog sya mga 10-11pm na. Dun lang ako makakakilos na sa bahay.
Hirap din ng working mom. Our babysitter kasi only comes home from 8am to 12nn. Tas bahala na kami sa buhay namin hehehe!
hello there Mich. hirap din ng situation nyo. so you mean, half day lang pala ang babysitter looking after Deye, and the rest is left to both you and hubby. that means more housework to do. i hope you’re managing well. oh well, it’s a matter of diskarte with managing the chores lang din.
ako, i end up sleeping at past 11PM na now, coz i still cook my son’s breakfast and lunch sa gabi pa lang so that reheat na lang nung Yaya yung food the day after.
agree with you, hirap din ng working Mom. pagdating ko nga ng bahay, di pa ko nakakabihis, eto na ang 22-kilong hebigat na anak ko at naka-karga na sa akin.
You mean Nico started behaving like this when he turned 3? My boy just turned 3, oh no! I hope he sticks to his routine. Egad I don’t want to struggle with bedtime again.
My son goes to nursery from 8am to 6pm or 5pm if daddy will pick him up. In the daycare they nap for just 1.5 hours. At home, we have dinner between 630 to 730pm. By 730pm he should be washed & ready for bed. By 8-830pm we leave him to sleep on his own after our rituals (prayer, story, whatever else). Regimented ‘no? Kasi like you I still have to prepare for tomorrow or do some other chores. I only relax this nightly schedule on Friday & Saturday nights.
Sana naman wag magbago anak ko kundi maloloka na naman kami.
BTW we sleep in one bed, too.
Well, Feng, I had to pat my kids ‘ back to put them to sleep, and I always ended up falling asleep first than they did! hehehe.
I guess kids inevitably pass through stages. Don’t worry, they will outgrow such and you will be having a nice beauty sleep whenever you can!
hello auee. yup, he started the non-shut-eye-till-10PM behavior a couple of weeks already since he turned 3. and right now, he’s enjoying it while I’m frowning already about it.
as for Kevin, i think he’ll be sticking with his routine kasi, as you said, he just have around 1.5 hours of naptime in the afternoon. with Nico kasi, he sleeps from 1-5PM and less-tiring activities than Kevin is having at the daycare.
ang siste nito, lalabas muna ng room yung Dada ni Nico so that Nico can concentrate sleeping all by himself. i’m just there to accompany him (props lang ba) so as he’ll think I’m gonna sleep na din. one or two hours later, the Dada would text me: “tulog na ba si Nico?”. kaso, wala na syang aasahang reply sa text, kasi mas nauna pa akong matulog kay Nico.
pero auee, better watch out pa rin. as the babycenter article said: let’s still stick to the routine.
yay rhodora, nakakangalay ang patting the back and hele-hele time. pareho tayo, mas nauuna pa kong makatulog sa anak ko.
getting that advice from you that kids will outgrew it, how i wished malaki na sya, at maka-sleeping beauty na rin ako or attach with my blogging thing all night.
Feng, Nico reminds me of my nephew Rohan who was an angel until he turned 3
As I have no personal enxperience yet, I can only encourage you to remain consistent. Sometimes it would seem easier to give in but you’ll be back on track sooner if you stick to your guns. Hey, if those parents in Supernanny show win out in the end, how much more you when you already have structure. This is just another phase that we mommies (and daddies) have to go through. As what my SIL (working mom of 4) told me, it’s like a game - you have to be prepared to come up with different tricks as you go.
Hi Feng. This is a very timely post and I appreciate the Baby/Parent Center’s recommendations you shared as well as your personal experiences with Nico.
Yohan often sleeps late and wakes up late in the morning too. Lately we have been trying to adjust this pattern since school will start soon. My husband and I have been helping Yohan sleep early to prepare him for school. He needs to be awake by 5am since his service comes around 5:45am. Grabe no! Anyway, everything seems fine. I just need to keep it constant.
Good luck to both of us and hope everything works out for the best.
I don’t envy you at all. But I did go through this with my son. It was hard. He didn’t really start doing his bed routine until he started kindergarten. Maybe it’s a phase among kids.
wow! been reading the comments too… im sooo glad… im not alone!!!hahaha!
si ipan jr would sleep at midnight! at dahil idol siya ng sister niya na 2 yo pa lang, sumasabay! ang sakit ng ulo ko sa umaga, kasi puyat ako.
nakikipaglaro pa kasi sila sa daddy nila e. at dahil tuwang-tuwa naman ang asawa ko dahil feeling niya ay araw-araw siyang nanggagaling from saudi kung umasta ang mga anak ko, hayun, nakukunsiti ang pagpupuyat.
hello Mommies.
geri, natawa ako sa term mo for Rohan: “who was an angel until he turned 3″. so does that mean he’s no longer an “angel”? like exactly what you advised, being consistent and sticking to routines are two things that we try to do now though sometimes we wanted to give up na rin dahil sa sobrang kakulitan. re: the Supernanny show, is that the same as the Nanny 911 show here in Pinas? i never fail to watch that show though nag-end na yung first season of that here at wala pang kasunod (or baka hindi ko lang alam dahil nga tulog na ko kapag palabas yung show sa TV. it airs here at 9:30PM at ETC 2nd Avenue. your MIL is right, parenting is like a game and we have to come up with tricks more sophisticated vs. our kids’ tricks.
rach, grabe at very early naman pala ng service ni Yohan for school. pupungas-pungas pa ako nun ng time na yan. so since he’ll be going to school, it’ll be much better that he sleeps early. goodluck sa new routine ni Yohan. hope you’ll get by.
hi dexie. i agree with you. the change in sleeping patterns of kids are part of the phases they go through as they grow older. we’ll, we parents have to adjust too as they go through these phases. more patience on our part perhaps, right?
hello ladycess, hahaha, biktima ka rin ng mga late sleeping kids? it must have been a riot in your family. at si daddy pa pala ang pasimuno sa mga kakulitan sa gabi. kung sabagay, siguro miss din nila ang dad nila the whole day so sa gabi bumabawi ng play. nothing wrong with that though mas maganda pa rin matulog sila ng mas maaga. hay. goodluck sa iyo. i hope there will come a time you won’t have anymore morning headaches dahil sa sleep deprivation.
louna’s acting the same way this week. as in nakayakap pa sa kin when i want to put her on bed. but im sure it’s just because she wanted to spend more time with me as i was out of home for 10 days. good thing, i want to spend TLC moments with her too.. so ayun, si frenchguy and gumagawa ng housechores hehe… but i limit TLC moments to 10pm max, she needs to sleep too..
hi analyse. we missed at PMN for the past days
oh well, i guess Louna is just making lambing to you coz you weren’t home for several days. like what you do for Louna, I also do some tickling and kulitan sessions before retiring at night. i know these sessions contribute to some adrenalin rush that’s why he can’t sleep right away. but you know, as Moms, we can’t help it. and yup, like you, i limit it too.
feng, i too went through this. actually, we sometimes still go though this stage
especially when luis has had a long siesta in the afternoon. when that happens, i try to make him play more so as to make him tire and sleep early.
i never tried to cut short his siesta, because it makes him cranky and sunget after. i’ve tried to make his siesta earlier tho. like from 11nish to 3pm. but it depends. maybe it is better to wake up your baby. i’ve just never tried doing that =)
anyway, i hope nico will go back to his old sleeping pattern. or finds another one that will suit you both. ako naman, i’ve never had a big problem with this issue. because in luis’ case, once you turn off the lights, he goes to sleep a few minutes after. LOL! and it works 99% of the time in our case =D
hi sheilamarie, alam mo, nakakainggit ka. considering na Luis is much older than Nico, mas behave pa nga as to putting him to sleep. imagine, once the lights are out, dozed off na si Luis. oh, how i wish ganyan si Nico.
agree with you, cutting through sleeps only makes a kid whining in tantrums. kaya once we tried it, we never did it again. na trauma yata ako sa sobrang pagwawala ni Nico nung ginising namin sya.
Hi Feng! As I write this, Nate has just woken up. He wakes up close to midnight every night! No matter what time we put him to bed. Dati kasi matagal naps nya… So ginawa namin 4 pm dapat gising na, para around 9 sleep na ulit. But sometimes 7pm pa lang sleepy na, and he falls asleep talaga effortlessly! Kami nga ang gumagawa ng way para di sya antukin LOL. Anyway, we’ve been like this for weeks na. Am sleep-deprived because around 1am na sya matutulog. and will wake up again at 4am… hay.. and he is only 10mos old..I sometimes feel like a zombie-lutang sa puyat..
Need to get my beauty rest for tomorrow’s lunch.. huhu.. please nate, sleep na.. huhu
See you at the PMN lunch
hi chats. hay, hirap din ng sleeping routine ni Nate ano. nakakapuyat yan, to think that he’s just 10-months old. i hope his sleeping routine changes, at a time that’s convenient to you and would end your sleep deprivation.
BTW, i had a wonderful time at our lunch. sa uulitin.
@ Feng : Mahirap talaga, nakakapagod. Ang ginagawa ko na lang para makabawi sa tulog, pag natulog sya minsan ng 9pm, sinasabayan ko na. Pagdating ni hubby saka ako kakain para at least may bonding moments din kami. Tapos gumigising na lang ako ng maaga pag may gagawin like preparing their food. Buti na lang helpful ang hubby ko, di na sya yung kelangan pang pagsilbihan.
ang sarap talaga pag shared responsibility ang arrangement with hubby. it makes our parenting tasks lighter lalo na at he’s doing his share for raising your daughter.