From Dawn Till Dusk

(Also posted in the Pinoy Moms Network, comments may be read here)

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When Nico was still in my womb, I was the happiest person ever to listen to his heart beats during those regular check ups with the doctor. Those heart beats, hearing from a Doppler that’s rubbed in the tummy and sounding like a staccato of horses up for a race, were music to my ears then, as those sounds only reassures that my Precious Little One is just as safe and sound inside. And what a thrill it was when I had my very first sight of my Son through a sonogram. It was only a two-dimensional ultrasound that I was able to avail of at that time when 3Ds and 4Ds are the latest medical technological trends, but nevertheless, I felt so much joy and happiness seeing this Little Tiny Creature as it moved in circles and kicked inside my tummy. Not only that the sonogram preliminary sees the physical formations in my baby, it also determines if there are abnormalities in his fetal development. And I was, as always, was at peace every time my OB-Gyne reassures me that everything is just but all right with my pregnancy. “No need to worry for anything. The baby’s fetal developments are within normal values, and his heart is at the speed of average beatings,” I remember my OB-Gyne saying. With a reassurance from my health care provider, who then has been a constant source of strength in spite of my high-risk pregnancy, I trusted and had faith in God that everything will turn out just fine.

Not until that one faithful day came, my unexpected, untimely delivery—all due to an early breaking of my bag of water. My positive outlook in life, my trust and my faith in Him—all of these were abruptly turned into being shaky and cold as I saw my son fighting for his life in the Neonatal ICU, bare with his very thin body and skin, resuscitating for grasps of breathable air through a ventilator, laid to be comforted, miserably not in my relieving arms, but in a man-made machine called the incubator. And he was in it not for a couple of days, but for 10 long days. Never in my dreams that my baby would be in such comprised situation.

And just when the thought of seeing my baby suffering in the consequences of prematurity haven’t synched in my mind just yet, the attending Neonatologist disappointingly informed us of a murmur that he disturbingly hears in Nico’s heart. The doctor lamented on the possibility that my baby has a hole in the heart. I was on a total denial hearing that shocking news. “No, my baby is not ill nor he has that heart anomaly,” I continue on convincing myself then crying into tears. But the more denying I get to myself, the more reality strikes straight through me as soon as the 2D Echo performed by one of the best Pediatric Cardiologist in the Philippines there was, confirmed the presence of the hole in Nico’s heart. Continue Reading »