From Dawn Till Dusk

FOREWORD: Pardon me for posting this, for sort sounding like I was rude to Men, but I guess I can’t really help not publishing the entry. I wish to be unburdened in anyway.

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There are several family concerns that Jun and I have conflicting opinions on lately. And I have been silent to talk about these issues with him for several days already simply because I am tired of another argument. I don’t know if he has been noticing it, but I’ve been so rude to him the past days that I seemed to be very uncommunicative, to the simplest ignoring him when he talks to me, not replying to his text messages and to the petty hanging up the phone when he calls.But much as I am keeping mum about the matter, the more I feel depressed to a point that I am about to burst. I want to nag at him with all the words that can hurt, express my points only to prove that I am right and not him, and scream at him and tell straight to his face that he owes me an apology. And I want my pride protected. I don’t want to make the first move for us to talk about the problem. I just want him to discover for himself what’s wrong, why I felt bad. But as expected, our cold war (for the nth time) is still on for several days now. And I just don’t get why is he so insensitive?

There’s this book I am currently reading and I seem to relate to majority of its points with the situation where Jun and I are in right now. Don’t get me wrong being this bookish and all. I mean, I know there is no book ever in this world that would finally put a resolve to our clash because of course, IT’S REALLY UP TO US. But really, I’d like to reflect on this resource over and over as a way to lighten my burden because right now, it’s kinda heavy ye know. The book is Communication: The Key to Your Marriage authored by Dr. H. Norman Wright. It’s a wedding gift from Jun’s Bespren Lala that has been a constant valuable resource, at least for me.

On Chapter 7 “Are Men Really from Pluto and Women from Saturn?”, the reading explains that couples need to accept the facts that: 1) Men and women are wired differently, neither is wired incorrectly, just differently; and 2) for a relationship to blossom, men and women need to become bilingual, each fluent in the language of the opposite sex.

What women said about men:

• They don’t share their feelings or emotions enough. It’s like they grew up emotionally handicapped.
• They seem to go into a trance when they’re watching sports or when I bring up certain subjects. They’re not able to handle more than one task or subject at a time.
• Men seem to think they can do things better, even when they cant. And they wont take any advice, even if it helps them.
• They don’t listen well. They’re always trying to fix our problems.
• Men need more intuition—get off the factual bandwagon.
• Men need to learn to enjoy shopping like we do. They just don’t know what they’re missing.
• Men need more sensitivity, concern, compassion, and empathy. I wish men weren’t so threatened by women’s ideas and perspectives.
• They’re so overinvolved in their work and career. They want a family but they don’t get involved.
• Sex—that’s the key word. Don’t they think about anything else? They’re like a microwave oven. Push the button and they’re cookin’. Their On button is never off.

What men said about women:

• They are too emotional. They need to be more logical.
• How can they spend so much time talking? When it’s said, it’s said. So many of them are expanders. I wish they would get to the bottom line quicker and at least identify the subject!
• They’re too sensitive. They’re always getting their feelings hurt.
• Why do they cry so easily? It doesn’t make sense to me.
• I think most women are shopaholics. Their eyes glaze over when they see a shopping mall.
• They’re so changeable. I wish they’d make up their minds and then keep them made up.
• Maybe they think we can read minds, but we can’t I don’t think they can either.
• What’s wrong with the sex drive? Sex is great, only they don’t have that much interest. It takes them forever to get them interested.
• They think they have the spiritual gift of changing men. They ought to quit. We can’t be fixed and we don’t need to be.
• They’re so involved with other people and their problems.
• Women are moody and negative. You can’t satisfy them.
• I wish they would leave some things alone. They’re always trying to fix something that isn’t broken.

Reading through these enumerations, I couldn’t agree more. They’re oh so true.

Now, what really caught my attention to read this chapter of the book over and over, are illustrations that compare the differences between how a Man vs. a Woman’s brain works. It’s so tempting not to know.

“In the brain there is a section that connects the left and the right hemi spheres. It’s a bundle of nerves and there are up to 40 percent more of these nerve bundles in girls than boys. This means that women are able to use both sides of the brain at the same time, whereas men have to switch from one side of the brain to the other, depending upon what they need,” Wright said in his book. And this is one part of the reading that I love (but of course, I love my own), “women can enjoy more cross talk between both sides of the brain. In other words, women use their brains holistically”.

This extra connective tissue in women, according to the book, are also reasons why:

• They develop language skills earlier than boys; boys often read more poorly than girls which also holds true that girls read the emotions on a person’s face as they use both sides of the brain simultaneously;
• A woman’s brain was developed to express and verbalize (the very reason why we women love to talk) while a man’s brain was geared to develop his spatial skills (the very reason why throughout a man’s life he wants to do something about it);
• Women can tune into everything going around them (the very reason why a wife may handle five hectic activities at one time while her husband is reading a magazine totally oblivious to the various problems going on right under his nose);
• Women can be more perceptive about people than men are. Women have a greater ability to pick up feelings and sense the difference between what people say and what they can mean. Women’s intuition has physical basis and this thus drives men so crazy.
• Women pick up more information than men do since their sensitivities, such as hearing, eyesight, senses of taste and smell, are more heightened than men’s.

That being said, the author of the book ends the chapter with this recommendation: “If people really knew the differences between male and female styles of thinking and communicating, they would honor the differences and respond to each other in an appropriate and accepting way”.

Very well said. Now, did the reading lighten my burden? Hmm, yup, maybe, a bit. Well, ok I’m beginning to be convinced. It’s so rude of me to say NO definitely. It’s the love month and I just hope our cold war will end sooner, before the V-Day is off.