From Dawn Till Dusk

My Dear Little Baby,

I’ve noticed you have not been your usual self lately. You’ve seem to be very moody, you get upset with petty little things, and I’ve seen you several times in a meltdown.

Last Monday, when I arrived home from work, I just don’t get it why all of a sudden you cried out so loud, so loud, that your crying irritated and somehow swelled your developing throat. Your Tita Marlen was puzzled too why all of a sudden when I came in the house, you behaved in that peculiar way. She was so proud in telling me that you behaved the whole day she took care of you. She said you ate your lunch well, you drank your milk well, you slept well in the afternoon, and you had a good play. But just when I came home, you’re totally restless and uncontrollable.

Last night, though you slept early by 15 minutes than your usual routine, I knew you didn’t sleep well. While you are in deep slumber, I stared at you and it was only at that night again that I saw frowning eyebrows from your face. You seemed so anxious. I sensed you were having a bad dream. You murmur, you were babbling the name of your Ate Ness. I just hugged you in comfort and it made you feel better, for a time being.

Poor you my Little Baby. I know you terribly missed your best buddy, your Ate Ness. And if only you could talk straight, I knew you would ask a straight question to my face: Where is my Dear Ate? It breaks my heart seeing you like that. I know its hard not having your Ate around. But what can I or your Dada do to make things better? I don’t know if you will understand this, but you see, Ate Ness left already. She has her very own reasons for leaving us and you wouldn’t understand just yet if I explain what really happened. Yes, there could be a chance that she would come back to us, but we are not so sure of that yet. Maybe someday, when you’re older, Mommy will tell you everything you need to know.

If only life is so easy that I have a choice to stay home with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But you see, together with Dada, Mommy has to work too so that we may continue to give you all of your needs, and sometimes your wants. I hope that with the best of our efforts, you know and you feel that we are doing everything we can just for you. Maybe someday, if Dada can already afford it, Mommy will be with you all day/night long—to play with you, laugh with you, eat with you, nap with you, and cry with you.

But for now, just continue to hang in there my Little Babe. Promise, Mommy and Dada will do everything just to make you feel that we care for you so very much.

I love you Son.

Mommy

After posting entries regarding the new developments on Our Soulmate Nanny, I received this morning, emails from concerned friends relating their various opinions. To all of you, thank you very much for your concern—for being so frank, direct and honest. Comments regarding the entries can conveniently be posted/ published right away, but that the very thought that you took time to compose emails just to express your opinions privately, they only proved that all of you are really my comforting and trusted friends. I would no longer mention your names, but I’d like you to know that I really appreciate all of these advices very much. Maraming, maraming salamat.Though most of you have varying points (to include some violent reactions on Our Soulmate Nanny’s attitude) there seems to be a common advice from all of you. That is, you are all one in saying that it’s about time for me/my family to look for a better one—a deserving Yaya for Nico. A thought that I also want to note is from a friend who asked (then further gave advice): “So kung bumalik pa si Soulmate Nanny, tatanggapin mo pa? Why not give her a second chance? Baka naman, magbago na. Talk to her and let her understand of her limitations sa umpisa pa lang.” And this exactly is what Jun and I are praying and hoping for right now, for God to give us someone, a person that will render a loving concern for our Nico. We anticipate that the search for that deserving one will not be easy. As one of you said, “mahihirapan ang papalit kay Soulmate Nanny dahil marami na syang napatunayan at nagawa na beyond expectations para kay Nico”. I totally agree. Continue Reading »

Just when I was writing the previous entry, I received an anonymous text message. How she composed the message, I suspected it was her, Our Soulmate Nanny. Here’s how our conversation went:

***

ANONYMOUS: h,muzta n po!
Sender:
+63919xxxxxxx
7:57:44am
01-08-2007

ME: Hi nes! Ikaw ba to? Eto ok lng, c ate marlen nag alaga kay nico ngayon. Last week isinama ko naman c nico d2 sa ofc. Ikaw, muzta ka na? Sana nasa mabuti kang kalagayan. Sad ako kc nag hiwalay tyo na may samaan ng loob. I pray 2 God na someday maging ok na tyo. God knows concerned ako sa yo, kaya kung napapagalitan man kita, kc form of discipline yun dahil anak na turing ko sa yo. Nes, many tnx sa lahat ng love mo sa anak ko and kahit wala ka na sa amin, I wish you all the best. Sana maging successful ka at makatapos ng studies mo someday. Pag pray mo din makahanap na agad kmi ng yaya na may concern din sa anak ko, gaya mo.
Sent:
09:51:06am
01-08-2007

ANONYMOUS: ate po ni ness 2 anu po b kasalanan nya
Sender:
+63919xxxxxxx
09:55:43am
01-08-2007

ME: Naku, mahirap na mag-kwento sa text. Tanungin nyo na lang po si nes.
Sent:
11:12:03am
01-08-2007

END OF CONVERSATION

***

I forwarded all the above text messages to Jun. In our talk last night, Jun said he sensed that maybe (aside from missing Nico) Our Soulmate Nanny already realized her faults and wanted to come back. He asked me if I would still accept her and this was what I said: “I don’t know. Maybe we should think about it many times along with a sincere prayer”. And these were exactly what I am doing right now. Only God knows if she’s really meant for us…

[Since Yaya Ness left, we are on a hunt for a new Yaya. We have already asked our families, relatives, friends, officemates for referrals]

She’s gone. Our Soulmate Nanny already left us. No, she didn’t die as the starter words in this entry may have indicated. She resigned as Nico’s Yaya effective on the close of Nannying hours of 31 December 2006, that is.

It’s been a week now since she left. But until now, even if reality is achingly biting, the notion that Our Soulmate Nanny having left us (for good?) haven’t sank in my mind just yet. I was trying to analyze what actually happened. Why her and my very sudden, very drastic, very abrupt change of heart. And after pondering about it, over and over, still I haven’t figured out very the reason why she left. Continue Reading »

Wow, the start of the New Year is definitely here. After welcoming the New Year with a blast last night (with my very own little family of course!), I am now enumerating in a brief review/reflection on how the past year went for me. I am doing this intentionally, not for readers to comment really, but this post is really for self-assessment on how life went for me in the past year, that then would be an added base for me to move ahead this New Year. Continue Reading »