From Dawn Till Dusk

I am reading a linked article yesterday from the BabyCenter newsletter that I subscribed to titled “Are you ready for another one?” and halfway reading through it, I began to ask myself, “How about me? Am I ready for another one?” And just like what the article said (which I definitely agree), no one can answer this question but me, and it is quite a tough one.

Barely four months from now, Nico’s turning 3 and it’s quite amusing to hear many people already asking me this early, over and over (and I guess, Jun have been encountering the same question lately) “kelan nyo susundan si Nico”. I know that Jun and I should not all at be bothered because it’s just an innocent and harmless question from people who only want start a conversation or get a hint on what are our family plans are. But no matter how innocent and harmless the question is, we found ourselves in the same situation again years back—when we were pressured by our families and friends to already have a baby after three years of being married.

Above is a BABY TICKER that automatically counts the exact age of my Baby. Could this be a continuing reminder for us to plan for another addition to the family?

In one of our late night conversations at home, Jun remarked that he doesn’t seem to understand people’s thinking and what they really want (referring to those asking us on when we’ll have another baby), “Ang mga tao talaga, hindi mo alam kung ano talaga ang gustong mangyari. Nung mag nobya pa lang tayo, laging nagtatanong kung kelan sila makakahigop ng mainit na sabaw (a Pinoy rhetoric meanhing kelan ang kasal). Nung kasal na naman, ang tanong nila, wala pa bang baby. Ngayon naman na meron na, ang tanong naman nila, wala pa bang kasunod?” Then ending his statement with a sigh.

Before Nico was born, we were “quite” affected with the questions coming from all over that most of the time we both end up pressured and stressed. And I am so much thankful now that we’re over and done with that phase in our lives—now that we have Nico. And with almost the same scenario now recurring, I can say that we’ve adjusted quite well by simply shrugging off with a smile or a smart answer for the seemingly intriguing question. I would often say, “Hay naku, siguro pagdedebatehan pa sa Senado” while Jun’s somewhat cynical reply would be, “Hindi ko na alam kung nasaan na yung petition paper/signature campaign eh. Nag sign-up ka na ba?”

I guess it’s a cultural thing. And Jun and I are only one of the many couples who are prompted to such situation. A friend of mine in the US said she and her hubby also often come across the same question from fellow Pinoys—but never from Americans and other nationalities.

Going back to that BabyCenter article, below is a rundown of considerations (pardon me though for copying it verbatim for I want to put this in record as a continuing reminder for me in the coming months or year/s?):

When is the best time to have another? For many people the decision to have another child is more about when than whether. And plenty wonder if there’s an ideal interval between children — for the adults’ sake and the kids’. Is it best to have children one right after the other so they can play together and you get all your childrearing done in the shortest time, or is it better to “space” them to make sure everyone gets enough attention and care?

Researchers have tried to address this question, and while they can’t say definitively that every woman should wait two to three years between births, many studies do settle roughly on that time frame. And so do most families: According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, the average interval between first and second births is about 30 months for American women.

Here’s a rundown of the research on ideal baby spacing:

• Timing pregnancies less than 18 months or more than five years apart could raise the odds of the second baby being born prematurely, at low birth weight, or small for gestational age, according to a recent study in the Journal of the American Medical Association. With too short an interval, researchers theorize, the problem may be that a mother’s body needs more time to recover from the stress and depleted nutrients of the first pregnancy; with longer spacing, the problem could be that fertility gradually declines after a woman delivers.

• Waiting 18 to 23 months after the birth of your last child before conceiving another seems best for the new baby’s health, according to a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Doctors found that babies conceived less than six months after the birth of a previous child are 40 percent more apt to be born prematurely or underweight. And those conceived more than ten years after the prior sibling face about double the risk of preterm birth.

• A similar study at the University of California in San Francisco found that the ideal interval between babies is 24 to 35 months. Babies conceived sooner had a higher incidence of low birth weight.

• The best time is either when your first is under 1 year or over 4 years, in terms of the children’s relationships with their parents, sibling rivalry, and their own self-esteem, according to Jeannie Kidwell, a professor of family studies at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. Children under 1 don’t have a sense of their exclusive status yet so they’re less apt to resent a newcomer, she says, and those over 4 have had time to enjoy attention from Mommy and Daddy — plus, they now have a life of their own.

What else should I consider when making the decision? Science doesn’t dictate all the choices we make, of course, especially the ones that involve love and desire. So here are some other issues to take into account:

How old is your other child (or children)? There is no right or wrong answer here, though the research cited above does suggest it’s best not to get pregnant if you have a child under 6 months. Still, people go both ways on this question. Some favor waiting as long as possible — that way your other kids have had plenty of time with you and can understand and even talk about the effect another child might have. Others say that having your children close together in age ensures they’ll be playmates for life — and that you won’t be raising small children for the rest of your life.

How will another child change your lifestyle? Are you settled into a nice routine with your other children? Do you have a good childcare system set up? Is everyone else finally sleeping through the night? Perhaps you’ve gotten to the point where you and your partner have time for each other again. Maybe you’ve gone back to work and you love it. These are all important factors when you’re thinking of having another. Remember, a newborn will take over your life. Consider whether you have the time and energy an infant requires, and whether your children are ready to deal with the reality of a baby in the house. You may end up deciding that one is enough.

What’s your financial situation? We’re the first to admit money isn’t everything, but you sure do need it when you’re raising a family. Given that each child costs about $10,000 a year to feed, clothe, house, and keep healthy (and that’s a conservative estimate for many parts of the country), you’ll want a little extra in your monthly budget before you conceive another child. It’s important to consider your work situation, too. Many women find it harder to keep up with full- or part-time work once the second or third child comes along. Can you afford to quit work if that seems best, or to pay for the new baby’s childcare if you keep your job?

How old are you? Unfortunately, parental age matters, especially for women. If you’re 38 and you want two more children, you don’t have the luxury of spacing them three years apart. But if you’re under 30 and don’t have any health problems that could make conception difficult, you can be a little more flexible. Talk about the age question with your partner: Many people have a vision of how old they want to be when they’re finished having children.

Do you and your partner agree? Sometimes one partner is ready and the other isn’t. It’s hard to be in sync all the time. This is a tricky one to settle, but the first step is to start talking about your differences. Sit down together and discuss your points of view. You may not resolve anything right then, but you’ll have a better understanding of the issues. It might help to talk to others in this situation, too.

What does your heart say? Sure, you can sit down with a big legal pad and run through the pluses and minuses. But this is one of those decisions that’s led by the heart, so go ahead and follow yours. If you want another baby, and your partner (if you have one) does too, there may be no time like the present.

MY INSIGHTS. As for us? Really, going back to the question, “kelan susundan si Nico”… I’d say…honestly, Jun and I–are on a DILEMMA. I so much miss being pregnant despite the morning sickness, or should I say all-day sickness, heart burns, leg cramps, backaches and all pregnancy inconveniences. I miss the regular check ups with the OB-Gyne. I miss hearing the sound of a baby’s heartbeat and seeing a baby as she/he sucks a thumb in the ultrasound monitor. I miss taking Clusivol OB, Fortifer, Tums and other stuff to keep the life of a living thing inside the tummy intact. I miss the cute kicks of a little creature in my tummy. I miss shopping for and wearing maternity clothes from boutiques like Gingersnaps and Havin’ A Baby. I miss the special treatment of the people surrounding me, most especially hubby who never bothered regularly cutting my feet’s fingernails, helping me wear socks (‘coz I can hardly reach my feet as my tummy gets bigger and bigger), providing me with all the food I crave for, and the rest of other privileges that a preggy could ever have. Most importantly, I miss having the joy of holding an innocent and angelic face of a newborn who when nourished and cuddled returns back a smile on the face. I know deep in my heart that Jun too, who was no so much expressive for his longing for another baby (specifically a baby girl), was always excited to tell me about Mae, the cute little daughter of the canteen owner in their office whom he said was very charming and malambing.
Much as our longings, Jun and I are likewise anticipating the “what if” questions. “What if I deliver prematurely again? Never mind if I had to undergo an emergency CS again, but what about the complications it would bring to the baby?” “What if there will be another one? Would I have enough attention for Nico and the new baby? What if Nico get jelous of the new baby? Kawawa naman si Nico” “Could our finances still afford another addition in the family?” “What will the new set up be?” “Who will take care the new baby when I return to work?” So many questions, so many fears…that continue to make us weigh each passing day, the pros and cons before making a tough decision.

On the other hand, Jun and I thought (benchmarking on our friends’ situations), “How does it feel to have more than one child? Mahirap kaya? Kung sabagay, bakit naman ang iba naming mga kaibigan, they can manage. We know they’re doing just great. Bilib kami sa kanila.”

Yes indeed, we are so much looking forward to having another Little Angel in our lives. As to when, Jun and I have haven’t thought of it just yet. Maybe in the following months, maybe next year, maybe the year after next year. We’re definitely going to have another one, not because we’re pressured to, but because it is God’s plan for us and that both of us are sure we’re ready for it—with significant considerations of our lifestyle, finances, work, relationships, and, of course, our Nico. I am counting that the Mommy in me, or better, the Parents in us, will always have room for another child that will surely be showered with all of our unconditional love, attention and care just as we have for our Nico.