From Dawn Till Dusk

We were on our way to my parent’s house in Morong, Rizal yesterday to join my family in visiting Dad at his resting place in Haven of Rest Memorial Park in Tanay, Rizal (as yesterday was a date that we Christians commemorate our loved ones who have passed away). On our way, while my son Nico was sitting on my lap, I can’t help but think about Dad, how everyday seems so empty without his physical presence in our lives. Suddenly, I noticed tears were running down my face. And Nico was just starring at me, seems wondering why I was crying.

Within me, I know I, like my Mom, my sister Chette and my brothers Ferdie and Erick, have been moving on smoothly, coping each and everyday without him, knowing that he continuously guides us in our everyday lives. But there were just times that I couldn’t help but grieve and cry alone, especially at moments when silence, depression, and tiredness set my heart and mind yearning.

God knows how much I missed Dad. There are no exact words to describe how much I missed him and how I wished he was still here with us. These past four months have been particularly filled with longing for Dad. When I returned to work from a week-long mourning leave right after Dad passed away, particular days and time in the Office were quite hard that I jokingly asked our secretary in the Office if Dad has ever called me. I’ll say, “Ate Minda, tumawag na po Daddy ko?” Then I’ll realize that yes, Dad’s gone and that I will never get a phone call from him anymore. I guess old habits are hard to break that sometimes I wanted to hear his voice so badly that I thought perhaps there was something wrong with me. I remember Dad calling me regularly in the Office (may it be at early in the morning, lunchbreak or in the afternoon) just to ask how I am, how Nico was doing, and reminding me persistently to take good care of Nico. Lagi nyang sinasabi, “Kumusta si Nico? Ano nang alam sabihin. Wag mo na masyado patabain kasi mahirap ang batang masyadong mataba, maraming sakit.”

I spent a lifetime relying on Dad’s logical wisdom and I know he would have taught me much more if he were still living. When Jun and I asked my parents’ blessings to get married, it was Dad whom we first talked to. Jun’s first impression of him was that he was strict, but when we informed Dad of our plan, Jun was surprised to hear Dad as he gave go-signal right away of our marriage plans. I recalled him remarking, “Bakit naman ako tututol, alam ko naman diyan din kayo patutungo at saka matagal na naman namin kilala si Jun”. Dad even offered that Jun and I convert his former office in de Castro Pasig into our home for a start until such time that we acquire our own place. His logic to this was that, “Maigi na yang hindi kayo nagre renta para makaipon kayong mag-asawa”. When our housing loan was granted two years after, Dad was very helpful in assisting us in the construction of our house in Antipolo, him being a Civil Engineer himself. In fact, he was the one who recommended the foreman and laborers for our house’ construction.

The more I felt his support when I became pregnant (after three long years of waiting). Daddy was so excited, much as he was excited with his first apo Chesca, especially when he knew that my baby’s gender was a boy. When he knew that I was on sick leave for days as my pregnancy was quite critical (I was then diagnosed to have been experiencing hyperemesis gravidarium, a condition that exhaust me much due to my excessive vomitting and nausea; my OB-Gyne recommended full bed rest), he offered help and asked me to temporarily stay in Morong so that my sister can take care of me while Jun was at work. Sabi nya kasi, “Mahirap sa buntis ang walang kasama sa bahay. Dapat laging masayahin at laging may kausap”. There was also a time when Dad drove for me in one of my follow-up check ups during my first trimester, as Jun was in Baguio then attending the 3-day Advertising Congress. When I returned to work in January the following year (I was on my 5th month then), Daddy would regularly visit me in our home in Pasig bringing me fresh bangus and sometimes tilapia.

But what touched my heart so much was an instance when My sister Chette, who aids my Dad in safekeeping important documents and cash in a bolt at home, even told me that Dad asked her to set aside a portion of his and Mom’s savings for my expected delivery. Ang sabi daw ng Daddy, “Magtabi tayo ng pera para sa panganganak ng ate mo. Alam mo na, in case lang na may mangyari…” When I told Jun of this, he was touched that all he could do is be grateful and thankful for my parents. “Really, parents knew their children from within that even though we don’t explain or say anything, they knew our anxieties.”

Yes I know that Dad felt our financial difficulties after we spent much when our house was built. When I gave birth to Nico, in an untimely date (my baby was due to be born May 6, but I gave birth April 1–one month early), Dad together with my Mom were the first to see me in the hospital, giving me strength and courage as I undergo an emergency Caesarian Section. Anticipating Nico’s delicate condition due to prematurity, Dad and Mom rushed converting their bedroom in Morong into an aircon-equipped nursery. Though we have prepared a room in our home in Pasig, Jun and I mutually decided to stay temporarily in my parents house so that the baby and I can be well taken cared of especially me having underwent a CS and Nico a preemie needing special attention. As Nico arrived home coming from a 10-day stay in the hospital’s Neonatal ICU, Daddy was the very paranoiaic of all, protecting his apo from harm that he didn’t permit visitors from getting too close to Nico. Ang sabi ng proud Lolo, “Kailangang maka recover muna ang apo ko bago maka socialize nang husto sa inyo.” And the next thing he did, pinaikot sa kabilang part ng bahay ng ang mga bisita. Binuksan ang kurtina ng malapad na bintana sa kwarto at saka pinasilip ang mga bisitang sabik na makita kung ano ang hitsura ng apo ng Lolo. My Mom told me, “Ang Daddy mo talaga, parang ginawang nursery sa hospital itong bintana sa bahay.” Quite funny when I remembered that gesture of Daddy and all I can do is take a deep breath and sigh, he’s very protective of his apos and that instance was the beginning of many shielding, and comforting gestures of Daddy’s love for all of us in the family.

I missed Daddy so much. How I wish he was still here so he could see Nico confidently identify and recite the Alphabet, count numbers from 1 to 100, and see how Nico perfectly handle a pencil and write with ease. I’m sure Daddy would be so delighted and proud!

I miss you Dad. I love you and thank you for all the wonderful memories. They’ll remain in my heart forever.