From Dawn Till Dusk

It’s true, leaving my Nico everyday for work was the hardest and probably, the most painful thing that I’ve ever done in my being a parent, or should I say in my being a MOM. It’s really difficult because in my heart, I knew that since the day that I conceived my Nico, I started my love affair going with this Little One. I eventually moved on and had accepted the fact that I have to work to complement my husband in raising our family’s financial needs (especially now that we spend much for Nico’s nourishment and health and that we now had our home built and that we have to pay the monthly amortizations). It took me a while though to realize that going back to work doesn’t end this love affair and that the bond between me and my Nico continues to grow each and every day even without me by his side from 8 to 5.Making the transition to being a working Mom is difficult. I often find my self guilty about this choice. But it helps as I talk to other mothers who are likewise juggling a career and motherhood. They were never hesitant to share with me how they found ways to maximize their time with their babies.

A consolation that I read is a recent study that shows that “children with working moms thrive just as well as those with stay-at-home moms”. The study, funded by the United States’ National Institute of Mental Health found that the notion that working women are frazzled and guilt-ridden and that their children are in trouble was a myth. In fact working women had more self-esteem and improved physical and mental health. In addition, numerous studies show virtually no difference between children with working mothers and those with stay-at-home moms.

I kept reminding myself of the reasons why I decided to return to work in the first place. I try hard to clear off away-from-work calendar as much as possible so that I have quiet time at home to enjoy my Baby. I kept to realize that if other people-–family and friends-–disagree with my decision, they are well intentioned, but they aren’t walking in my shoes. But nevertheless, I thank them for their inputs while I retain the courage of my own convictions about what’s best for my family.

Upon my return to work in September 2004 (Nico was only five months old then), the first six months was fine with me as we have with us my Mom around to take care of Nico at daytime while my husband Jun and I are both at work. When Nico turned 1 in April however, my Mom informed us that in as much as she would still want to take care of her apo, we need to get an nanny soon as she would be dedicating her time taking care of my Dad whose health had to be watched closely due to heart problems. And so we had no choice but to give up our excellent caregiver.

After Mom, Jun and I had no other choice but to alternately file week-long vacation/sick leaves (or any applicable leaves of absences for that matter!) at work as we haven’t found yet a nanny for Nico. Desperate that we are, come end of May, we requested my sister-in-law (who is a mother of three growing kids—Romar, 12; Lenlen, 9, and JR, 4) to temporarily baby sit for Nico. Hesitant that she was, Ate Marlen thankfully granted our request. Nico was flexible enough to have a new baby sitter around as he immediately adjusted and enjoyed his daytime care courtesy of Ate Marlen who was very experienced in taking care of children. A few months passed and come August, in another unavoidable circumstance again, Ate Marlen talked to us that she won’t stay for long with us during weekdays as she badly needs to guide and pay attention to her children, first of which was her eldest son who desperately had deteriorating grades in school at the time that she began baby sitting for Nico. I begged, and asked her to still stay just until such time we get a permanent nanny for Nico.

Good enough, Ate Marlen phoned us on one weekend saying that she finally found a nanny for Nico. The prospective nanny as Ate Marlen told, is only 15 years old, also from my her and my husband’s hometown San Pedro, Laguna. After that call, Jun and I discussed if we are seriously going to push through hiring that nanny. We thought of possible scenarios (with a 15-year-old nanny taking care of our Bundle of Joy) and enumerated advantages/ disadvantages that may arise from this decision that we are about to make. I was deliberately at a “no” to pursue hiring that nanny as I am worried that a 15-year-old girl (when I was in the same age, I remembered still playing piko and jackstones with my cousins) lacks maturity that can provide care for my Precious One. It was a long, tiring, discussion, I or shall I say debate that we had. But in the end of our battle of talks, I had no choice but to say, “Ok, let’s meet that nanny, try her, and see what happens”.

And so on 04 September 2005 we did met her and brought her home. Her name is Ness, about 5’3”. She’s only 15 but she doesn’t look her age. She’s matured-looking but innocent (how do I explain these opposites?), very mysterious, very demure with such a sad face. Even Ness is already with us, I requested my in-laws to background check on our new nanny. We learned that she was the bread winner in the family, supporting her two younger sisters who stays with their Lola. Her parents separated two years ago, with their respective families now. She began working at age 11 and took care of a baby girl from birth to three years. She was forced to give up her job as her amos can no longer afford to pay her, the father of the baby girl lost his job. What’s amazing was she stayed with the family still for almost a year, even without getting payed as she was much attached to her alaga. So in a nutshell, she is that.

We asked my sis-in-law to stay with us for week so that she can train the new nanny of Nico’s daily routines, his bisyos and things we do for him. Ness’ training/orientation though came in at a bad timing. Nico was very sick then when Ness came to us. We had to rush Nico to Medical City as we are afraid he might be dehydrated due to continuous vomiting, high fever, rashes, and an irritated throat due to his lingering cough and cold. Thank God that after about five hours of stay in the ER, doctors rejected to confine Nico and advised us to take care of him just at home. That week, yes, our new nanny had her training, not just the daily routines of care for Nico, but the more for the caring a sick baby.

Ness’ formal and regular (I said formal, take note!) caring of Nico came the week after that sickness and really, that, I think, was the most paranoia-ic day of my life. As Jun and I left the house and go to work (it was a Monday, a day full of meetings!) I prayed hard and asked the Lord to keep my son safe from harm while he is at the care of her new nanny. It is my belief that that first day required a great deal of adjustment for me, Nico and Ness and that no matter hard I try to help make the transition smoother, it would still be difficult for all.

But I was wrong, my pessimisms, my fears, my doubts–they were all very wrong.

Days, weeks, and a month had passed and Ness was still with us—miraculously, she survived me and I survived her, heww! Honestly, when Ness took over taking care of Nico, this was the only time that our Baby learned independence feeding himself. The simple thing of holding a bottle of milk, Nico can’t do, during my Mom and my sister-in-law’s care. And I noticed too that Nico was getting heavier and taller as Ness’ reports to me at the end of the day that her alaga asks for an average of 8 milk bottles. I also observed that Nico’s appetite for food increased as he was demanding for more than enough food in his plate during one weekend that I had quality time with my son. Ness reports that Nico is demanding for more than a bowl of lugaw or champorado or sopas in the morning and a half a cup of rice with a sumptuous viand (Nico’s fav are sinigang na baboy, nilagang baka, and tinolang manok) at lunchtime. Come October, during one of Nico’s well-baby check-ups, I was surprised to know that he did increased an overwhelming four kilos (from 10 kilos to 14 kilos) since his last visit to the pedia. What a leap! And these improvements were obviously noticed too by people who see Nico around, our neighbors, my officemates, and even my Mom, and my in-laws. Combined with Nico’s physical developments, Jun and I also notice the special bond that our Baby was having with her Ate Ness (that’s how he calls her). Nico became more playful having his Ate Ness around to play hide and seek with him and stroll around the neighborhood and play with other kids after his long-afternoon nap. Our Little Baby who was very discrete in uttering words before, started to be talkative with his Ate Ness backing him up.

As of this writing, Nico is further growing, 105 cms, 19.7 kilos, at 95th percentile of his age. Intellectually, Nico loves reciting numbers, the alphabet, and grouping colors and shapes. Of course, that’s with the aid of her nanny! It’s a good thing also that Nico have been patiently potty-trained by her nanny. We save a lot spending for daytime diapers.

These good things never stopped there though. Her involvement in the house evolved from being a caregiver to Nico, then to being an efficient helper in the house, doing household chores, helping me cook, and running for errands. She also serves as our monitor and alarm, reminding us the due date for paying the utility bills, what needs to be bought in the grocery at weekends, and other sorts of stuff that we sometimes forget to pay attention.

At times Jun and I have disagreements, she was a confidant, a friend to air my sentiments. How could I asked for more?

I realized what a blessing Ness was to us. Yes, she may not be perfect, sure she too has many pitfalls. We had our share of disagreements, tampuhans, samaan ng loob, but one thing remains. She remains faithfully concerned and always where-after the well being of her alaga, my son Nico and I gratefully thank the Lord for that.

NOW, it’s been one year that she’s with us, and she’s 16 (2 years to go then we can get her insured with SSS, be a Pag-Ibig member, and get her a healthcard!). And hopefully, she would still be with us as we three now treat her as already a part of our family. I call her Nico’s Big Sister (because in God’s perfect time we would still want a Little Sister for Nico) and Our Soulmate Nanny, if there is such a word or term. Jun and I agreed that if our finances can manage it, and if circumstances permits it, we plan to put Ness back to school (our prospect is the government high school just a stone’s throw away to our house, probably get the night schedule) so that she can finish her high school, then hopefully get a college degree.

Ness, being our caregiver for Nico isn’t eno ugh as a mother’s care and wont replace me in my Little Angel’s Life—I am and will always be his Mom. But Ness, to me, is another loving presence in my Baby’s life and I am sure Nico has enough love for her as much as she has full of love for him.